"Like a dog with a bone."
You gotta love the Real Housewives (and yes, I watch this questionable form of entertainment). These women are all about drama. And watching one call out the other for not letting go of a tired, old argument really delivered.
I’m right. You’re wrong. Blah, blah, blah. Blah, blah, blah. Chomp, chomp, chomp.
She. Could. Not. Let. Go.
Just. Like. Me.
I’m a holder-oner. I’ve been known to clutch, grasp, grip, or otherwise hold on to people, places, and things way past their expiration date.
The self-help book says surrender and release. The therapist says detach. Your BFF says do like Elsa in Frozen and let it goooooo…Okayyyy…
But how?
You've Gotta Be Willing
That’s right. You can think, speak, and intend all you want, but if you’re not willing, then you’re not going to loosen your grip. I want to let go, I need to let go, I have to let go are all well and good; they’re a step in the right direction. But unless you open your hands with a sincere and clear yes in your heart, it ain’t gonna happen.
Be willing.
But if you find that you’re not, it may be because…
You Haven’t Accepted What Is
He lied, she left, they pulled out of the deal, and you don’t like it or accept it. Sometimes, life sucks. Things don’t always work out the way we planned. (And, very often, what we planned isn’t good for us, and that’s a reason to let go.)
No one is saying you have to like what happened. No one is saying swallow what is distasteful and soldier on. And no one is saying people and situations can’t change. But you must accept what is, for the moment, anyway, and maybe forever.
Peace comes with acceptance. Resistance has left the building. There’s no more fight, no more struggle, no need to argue or defend. You exhale, and you accept. Peace will follow, and it will open the door to willingness.
Get Your Nose Out of God’s Business
I have a bracelet that says, “What is for you will not pass you.” I need to trust that. (I'm working on it.)
The jobs, the roles, the men, the clients–the ones meant for me have always shown up on time and usually with no effort on my part. I have learned that no matter how much I want a particular person or situation, if I have to push and pull and turn myself into Pretzel Woman to keep anything in my world, then it isn’t mine, and it’s time to say goodbye.
When people do what’s best for them, it's almost always best for us—in the long run. We may need to consider the possibility that there's something we don’t know, something we can’t see. There's a bigger picture.
But if you’re not willing and you don’t want to accept and you trust no one and nothing, then I suggest this approach:
Choose Freedom
There’s a lot of power in choice. If you consciously choose freedom for yourself and others, letting go follows. You’ll stop holding people hostage in your mind. You’ll stop digging in your heels until you can no longer move. You’ll stop lusting after outcomes. Because freedom trumps clutching, grasping, and gripping every time.
Ahhh…relief.
Isn’t it time you got some?