This was originally posted September 21, 2014. Although the particular story mentioned in this post is not in the news today, sadly, there are many others to take its place.
The first step to getting what you want is having the courage to get rid of what you don't.- Unknown
Like many of you, I've been following the story of the NFL player who knocked his fiancée (now wife) out cold in an elevator. So much has been said about this incident. The evening news devoted an entire segment to the issue of domestic violence. Now that's something I never thought I'd see. When I was growing up, no one discussed this subject, including me.
Now, I speak out. And on this controversial scandal, I have an opinion, one you won't hear on ESPN. So here goes.
"It takes courage."
Courage to do what, I ask?
In a TV interview, a well-intentioned supporter of the couple was challenged about the fact that the victim went ahead and married her abuser: "She loves him."
Understood.
My mother loved my father. But she knew what she was getting. A pre-wedding beating gave her all the information she needed.
This gentleman went on to defend the woman's choice by saying that "it takes courage" to love someone and hang in with them through thick and thin. Courage to marry someone who delivers a left hook to your jaw, causing you to slam your head against the elevator wall and lose consciousness?
His words gave me pause, among other things.
I can't judge the victim; I haven't walked in her shoes. I can't judge my mom; I never walked in her shoes either, although it often felt like I had. And I'm certainly not here to blame either one of them. But as someone who saw her mother get hit more than once, I can tell you that in my opinion, the man being interviewed was only half right.
It takes courage to surrender to the truth and admit that something's wrong with him, with you, with the entire picture. It takes courage to acknowledge you made a mistake, and this person isn't who you thought they were. It takes courage to walk away from the love of your life, not because you want to, but because you have to.
Loving someone so much it hurts but loving yourself more, taking responsibility for your life, what you will and will not accept, and doing what's best for all concerned—now that's courage.
Some people, those who've been trapped for a long time in the quicksand that is domestic violence, may need professional expertise in resurrecting their long-lost courage, not to mention their stolen self-esteem, self-worth, and self-respect. They may even need to contact law enforcement.
But for my not-yet-married mother, it was early enough in the game to opt out.
Do I wish she had?
No, because I loved my father.
But would it have been better for her?
Yes.
No one knows what goes on behind closed doors. But the world now has access to a graphic video. And apparently, there is an extended version. What will that show? It doesn't matter. There are some serious issues with this couple, and with the attitude of the public as a whole.
It's going to take collective courage to cure what ails us in the area of domestic violence.
Are you in?